Let Me Check My Schedule

Let me check my schedule
I know you need this
And know they are just words on a screen
But I also know that it's been three days since the bottle was opened
And three days since the white and purple capsules danced down my throat

It's been two years of me listening and not enough of me talking
It's been three months of me wondering and you throwing me in the microwave cause it makes my thoughts quieter

I know you need this
But this condescending tone you have is really hurting me
My head seems heavy and my pillow says the same
The one who always supports me is

Gone

They were never here
They would rather be in china occupying the streets because they are 55 and haven't seen enough of the world
But that's what they do for a living

It's been 17 years since I found love
And I don't know that I like playing hide and seek anymore
It's been four months and she's still to small
But you can't just draw the pounds back on
It's been two days and I still remember the smell of his jacket and how it made me sick
It's been two terms and I never want to lose another one

It's been one month

One month of crispy cheeks and wet palms
One moth of raking leaves and solemn talks
One moth of me wondering what I could've done
One moth of me avoiding certain situations
One moth too long to try and keep walking on broken ankles
One month too short to try and wrap myself around this

It's been one month since I was up in that tree with a rope in my bag and space below
It's been two weeks since my mind was blown
And three since I found out I still have a brain

It's been three weeks since we last really talked and I still don't know what to think so I don't at all
It's been four days since we didn't talk at all and that's too many
It's been 45 minutes since you texted me last and I need to stop counting
I am just worried I'll find more crippling text on this glowing rectangle
Which is somehow drawing me towards the outlets
It's been days and days and I'm still lost but I don't know that I want to be found

I know you need this but my calendar is quite full
It's empty of the things I want
But I'm a teenager so I guess I don't know what's best

I know you need this
But right now
I need it more