Evolution of Living Circumstances

The empty thought processes became apparent on the crippled wallpaper

Floral designs suffocated with the anxieties of tapioca minds

The consistency of the air became more like bark

Impenetrable from the years of acclimation

The incessant barrage of hatred and malice that ripped through it 

Eventually became the backbone of the intangible 

Carpet lays beneath the inordinate amount of stalagmites 

The ferocity of the bleak emotions perspires and collects on the already moldy ceilings

And passing through the V-shaped walkways 

One can hear the tension of the rock tombs

Wherein lye the aspirations of the young children who used to run in their place 

Crevices emancipate the ancient workmanship of doorways

The rudimentary invention of pivoting portals have fallen

Far more difficult entrances entrance the eyes of wandering adolescents 

But for those who venture to believe the welcoming nature of such vicious openings

They soon rest at he threshold of what could have been 

And for the ones who have yet realized the danger of change and transcendence between realms of comfort

And those of animosity 

Clean feet remain on the opposite side of the bloody walkways

Containment cells take the place of areas once deemed bedrooms

Decorated with the nightmares of its prior inhabitants

The very paint dances upon the edge of the conscious of those that enter

Fallen leaves ferment in the excretions of failed ambitions 

Alongside the rotting self confidence of twelve year old girls

The odor created intoxicates the most trained minds

And in a state of nausea and euphoria it's victims lye in a pool of disappointment 

Given so graciously by their fathers and brothers 

Toothbrushes trace the eating habits of the family inside as the comfort calcified food crushers 

And sadly find no place to go as the pantry wains 

Pillows become replaced by books

No time during the day to study, evokes a disparity to learn 

Instead the hours of daylight are spent barricading defenseless lungs and hearts  

And in hopes of education, feeble minds attempt to soak up knowledge during slumber

The ideal location of inhabitation is perhaps on the other side of grocery store receipts

Or adoption papers

Perhaps even the echoes of a jury's convictive consensus 

For now one must make do with beaten sandals and cans of food claimed by botulism 

Family Death

It seems the delirious minds try to assert themselves the most

Like the way dying car engines work herder to stay alive

Inevitably they die just like her feeble mind will

Right now I can't say if I would be sad about that 

Or if my innards would turn 

In the same manner as my head

Away from the scene

Pushing broken wheels only works for so long

As the spokes pierce the ground 

Leaving a trail of spite

And the splinters await innocent feet to prick

But my children will not know her 

They will not know her bleak existence

Nor will I

Not after another day of giving up

All a child wants is to be craved

In the same manner plants demand light

Unfortunately a dismal existence has been mine

Void of emotional support

Lacking in the very acknowledgment of my presence 

And the only cravings in my parents bedroom

Is wealth and weight loss

Scales become useless to eyes trained for trimming

And crying voices from the kitchen 

Take a back seat to the hands creating new belt holes

There is a family somewhere dying to become known

And there is a family somewhere having dinner 

Feasting on laughter 

There is a family somewhere surviving on each other's smiles

That family is simply not here 

Nor will it ever be    

The Real Me

I apologize for the wait

Thank you to those who have been so patient

Thank you to all those who left beautiful comments

Beautiful posts

But mostly beautiful impressions on my heart

 

 

Here is my reveal

Thank you for watching

Paralyzed vocal cord sleep 

On the floor of my jar full of problems 

I have always found that handwritten sentiments contain less of the volatile juxtaposition between you and I

Then your slurred rants always did 

 

My neurons plea for a break

Chained, by their throats 

To a treadmill on high speed 

They either fall and choke to death

In a pathetic lump of blood and road rash

 

Or they hop

 

In an overreactive display of the pain they must endure

It's hard to watch your own brain die

And even harder to watch YOU 

 

They say you can tell a lot about a person 

By looking into their eyes 

So I scrutinized every damn pair of dark, sullen, glazed over eyes as I could find

Hoping to find reason

 

I learned people have barbed-wire bracelets 

Tightly wrapped around their tongues

I learned people live with parents who would rather converse with lawyers and prostitutes 

Than their own spouse 

 

I learned people have dying siblings

 

But don't worry

Because with each match, we burned stronger

 

And for the people who have broken the one-way mirrors that are our pathetic pupils

WELCOME

 

Welcome to the real us 

Untainted by our parents wallets or any number of photography filters 

Welcome to the real me 

A boy with a soul  of helium 

But chain down by the echoes of six grade, top-dog, long hair haters

 

Welcome to the real me 

A forced fighter 

Because MY momma 

She has been beat up real bad 

By this dismal existence we call "life"

There is so little actually alive here

So I promised her that I would finish her final rounds for her

That I would take every hit for her

Before the gloves claimed her instead 

 

Welcome to the real me 

A tree stump throne in the hills

Built to soak up tears of teenagers

And hear EVERY rant about boyfriends, and the social injustice of adolescent mistreatment 

 

Welcome to the real me 

A mop-headed paper shredder 

With a lifetime warrantee 

A reserved child stuck in denial

A one man, first aid equipped, Red Cross ambulance 

 

 

Welcome to the real me 

An energetic harpsichord called "paranoia"

Called ugly 

Called lazy 

Called crazy 

Called "too much"

Some, some even call me a hipster but damn it, don't you dare call me that, don't you even think it 

Mixed tapes and outerwear are no indicator of identity 

 

 

A select few

Have even ventured to call me Alice

Alice S. Blackwell

 

 

But you

You can call me 1:00 AM

You can call me taxi cab driver

'Cause that's all I am to you 

You can call me friend or foe

 

 

You can call me the journal page you ripped out titled "disgust"

You can call me the desk we sawed in half so we could both have work space

 

 

You can call me Isaac 

Isaac McKay Stirland 

Live For A Living

A beautiful collection of inspired works from the soul

"It's learning how to live for a living, that's the tricky stitch"

Fame

Throw me into the pile of dreams unfulfilling

Let me rest among each other experience that simply wasn't superior enough

Do not worry about the civilization building

Do not worry about your imminent downfall

And most of all don't worry about the bruises left on my eyes from the times I saw you stolen away 

Kick me into the snow and bury my every feature 

Frantically smother my lips in mud

Because the last thing you want to hear is the truth

But you would be better to stop your ears with pencils

You're too much of a coward for pens anyways

Roll me into the valley of suppression

Throw pebbles of angst at my skull

And watch the life drip down my spine

The one you ripped out, and I taped to my chest

You took the literal road of "I have your back"

But a cynical mind can conjure the most elaborate of alibis 

My poor frame had to be the conduit of your cruelty 

Slide me under the door and double check the bolts

No matter how many chairs and lies you press against the wood 

I'll still emerge the prominent one

Even though hate burns strong

Forgiveness burns hotter and I forged a key from all the knives you stuck in my back

I'll see you in ten

Zip me up and lock me away

But don't mind checking for holes in the body bag

Who am I kidding the last thing you doubled checked was the box next to your name

In the superlative "most likely to succeed"

You should have put on your reading glasses

Because your ignorance placed your marks the the box for "most dull"

And irony has never been more accurate 

Pick me out of your memory 

And throw every morsel in the river bank

Never swim there again because the water is deeper than you could perceive 

Lastly tighten your shoes

Because this 

This is dangerous

And if your not careful

It will claim the both of us 

Iron Bars, Stolen Candy Bars, And Lies

Does he fail to see the rebellion enshroud him?

I barley recognize the dark figure once my brother

The school has had enough

So has home

An exiled soul searching for solace but finds none 

Only small amounts of pleasure among late night fights 

And 2 AM trips to the back seat

Quiet halls accompany screaming minds

We're all afraid to ask about the calls

But I think we are afraid more of what they will say

It's better to know his heart is still beating, than to know how many times it has stopped 

Dreams flash red and blue 

Not because of fireworks or patriotic parades

Because blue is the color of the cold skin 

And red the color of boldly knuckles

Lips

And puddled streets 

The two together remind me of when he was driven away

It's 2 AM and the local park is lit up with 

Phone screens, I wish I could say

Or perhaps incense

But I know it's the light of a smokier substance

Tonight we made lizards from old beads in the back closet

Each weave an excruciating effort for your shaky hands

I can tell yours from mine

Not by colour

But by the stress cracks each bead carries 

I can't bear to know what causes the tremors

It's better to just call it a night 

And hope a little sleep will reinvigorate a walking corpse 

Your head is full of half empty glasses of patience 

I wish we could fix the kitchen sink

Those glasses need to be filled soon

Before you get stir crazy and kill another opportunity

Or peer

To the boy who can't find acceptance 

To the kid who never gets heard

I hear you 

And I can't sleep